


Between a Fight and a Kiss

by Nocticola



Category: Haven (TV)
Genre: 1x6 fur, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Episode: s01e01 Welcome to Haven, Episode: s01e02 Butterfly, Episode: s01e03 Harmony, Episode: s01e08 Ain't No Sunshine, Episode: s01e11 The Trial of Audrey Parker, Episode: s01e13 Spiral, Episode: s02e12 Sins of the Fathers, Episode: s05e20 Just Passing Through, For backstory, Gen, I don't actually quite get how punch to the cheek would work blood wise, I just wanted thematic cheek touching, Nathan's Trouble, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-10
Updated: 2018-09-07
Packaged: 2019-01-15 16:02:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12324264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nocticola/pseuds/Nocticola
Summary: Nathan's Trouble: developments in acceptance.Also includes: *Garland pov  (chapter 5)*Duke taking a little responsibility for his role in this  (chapter 6)*Audrey character study (family, Troubles, Haven) for season 1 (chapter 7)





	1. The Fight and aftermath

Nathan's not quite sure how long he and Duke have been punching each other. He's lost the track of time. He's just so angry and frustrated about being duped by Duke again.

One of Duke's hits really connects, they both can hear a loud 'crack' when something possibly breaks in Nathan's face but it doesn't bother Nathan. He hits him right back but there is something off about Duke's voice suddenly. 

"Nate... I think something's wrong."

For the first time since the fight started Nathan takes some stock of his situation. He's still so angry his brain is fuzzy, but he puts his hand on his cheek and... he doesn't feel it. His hand, his cheek. He pulls his hand back. It's red with blood but his hand doesn't feel sticky. He doesn't feel anything.  
"No..." he's barely making noise because they rage fuzziness is quickly being drowned out by panic. No no no no, this wasn't supposed to happen again, he was *fixed*, he's *normal*, this can't be happening. 

Suddenly he feels like he's forgotten how his body even works, he's just trying to breathe, do something, but nothing is happening, he's just staring at his bloody hand trying to... 

And now he suddenly hears Duke. Duke sounds panicked. He's talking to someone but Nathan can only make out sounds. Nathan raises his head from his hand. Duke's on the phone with someone.

When Duke sees Nathan looking at him, he ends the call and walks up to Nathan again. He's far enough away that Nathan knows Duke's not touching him.

"Nate, I called your Dad. He should be here soon. Now just... just breathe. OK?" 

Nathan can hear how labored his breathing is. Fuck. He's not sure he wants Garland here, but he can't figure out what to do next. And suddenly he misses his mom, desperately. She always know how to handle him. And now he manages to do *something*, he falls to his knees on the Cape Rouge and starts silently crying, his hands on his hair. 

Nathan's not sure how long he's like this. He just realizes after a while that arms are picking him up from the deck. Duke and Garland are holding him up. As soon as Nathan's up, Duke drops his hold on Nathan. Garland's look is probably the reason for that. He looks angry at Duke. 

"C'mon, son. Let's go." 

Somehow they manage to get off the Rouge and into Garland's car even though Nathan's not sure his legs even work right now. 

Nathan stares out the car window. He hasn't said anything for a while. He's not sure where they're going. He can't really think right now, so for the first time in years he's glad he at least has his dad.

"It came back," Nathan manages to whisper. He looks down at himself, and visually guides his arms around himself, hands safe under his arms, in a hug that doesn't do anything. But he likes knowing where his hands are. 

"Yeah, it did." There is a gruffness in his Dad's voice Nathan hasn't heard in years. He thinks that might mean he might cry about this too, but that's not his Dad. Maybe he's getting a cold. 

They arrive at their destination. His childhood home. He hasn't been there in a long time. The few times the Wuornoses manage to eat together, they do so at restaurants or at the station. Nathan has his own place, which has worked to keep their relationship OKish. Nathan's not sure he's ready to leave the car yet. Neither one of them make a move to leave.

"I think I should go to the hospital," Nathan tells to the window.

"Nah, that Crocker didn't hit you that badly. A little wash and yer fine."

Nathan turns to look at Garland. "I meant because of my condition." 

Nathan has done many things over the years that has left Garland looking at him disappointed. It's never been quite like this though. 

"Nathan..." 

Nathan turns away and stops Garland from speaking before he can continue.  
"I'll need to be diagnosed again and some physical therapy. I don't remember how to do this anymore." 

"I'll help you. You don't need to go to a doctor. You already know what this is." 

Garland sounds slightly angry. Nathan doesn't say anything. It can't be a... it's just a medical condition. He just needs the diagnosis and then he can move on with his life. 

"I think you should stay with me for a while." 

Nathan's not against the idea. It's embarrassing to move in with your father at 30, but he needs help with the adjustment period. He still has enough leftover stuff at Garland's that he doesn't have to go home yet. 

Garland helps him inside where he helps Nathan get cleaned up. Nathan watches himself in the bathroom mirror. He has a black eye and other bruises on his face. His cheek has a little blood, and his lip is split. He feels nothing. He tries to numb himself emotionally, the way his body is now numb again, but he can't, yet. He starts to cry again. His Dad does something he hasn't done in years, and hugs Nathan to him. 

The first night is awful. Doing anything feels overwhelming, nothing feels like it's in Nathan's control. In the morning he makes appointments at the doctor for a diagnosis and physical therapy. Garland isn't really happy about that, but he doesn't talk to Nathan again about the real reason for his condition. 

*** 

Nathan readjusts to his idiopathic neuropathy, slowly but surely. He needs to miss work for a while. He needs to work hard on his muscle memory, to make sure he can get his gun quickly without necessarily seeing where it is. He needs to timetable his life meticulously. When to eat, how long to wait for the coffee to be cold enough to drink, when to go to the bathroom, check himself for injuries. He needs to relearn how to drive the Bronco. He was never a particularly animated person, but with his condition back, his movements became more and more controlled. Hands in his pockets or under his armpits. No needless rushing, or touching. 

But being a cop is still difficult work, and he ends up injured and in the hospital, a lot. He hates it. Injuries feel like a double betrayal from his body, not feeling them but having to acknowledge them anyway. He ends up getting 8 MRIs during a period of couple of years, and that is just a fraction of all his hospital visits. 

As time goes on, things with the Chief get harder. After about a year after Nathan gets sick again, supernatural cases start happening. Nathan doesn't remember much from when he was 7 or 8 and sick, but he remembers the whispers and empty school classes. He tries his best to deal with those cases, trying to rationalize what he can while kinda accepting what he can't. But those cases have nothing to do with him, though. The Chief is extra hard on those cases, and no matter what he does, Nathan can't seem to deal with them right.

\--- 

Nathan runs into Duke sometimes, on cases, around town. They don't talk about the fight. They've rarely been particularly friendly with each other but there is a special acerbic quality to their interactions. In general, Nathan's social life dwindles to almost nothing. Being around people becomes an exercise in disconnect, and some of the other cops kinda shun him, whether it is because of his condition, assumed nepotism for being the Chief's son, Nathan's not sure. 

After being numb becomes second nature to him, it becomes easier to interact with people again. He still avoids touch as much as he can, but interacting with the townsfolk like a good local cop/son of Chief becomes easier again. 

He takes up a lot handicraft hobbies. He can mostly do them alone, but sometimes he takes a course or two. Decoupage helps keep his dexterity, and he likes the idea of still being able to create something, even through his numbness. 

His life settles into a routine. It's not very exciting, but he manages. Just need to wait out until his condition goes away again. Then he can go back to being normal.


	2. The Kiss

1x1 Welcome to Haven 

'Those damn cracks again,' Nathan thinks as he is driving back to the police station, but sees the cracks and then soon after a red car dangling over the cliff. Oddly, the car seems relatively stable, so clearly the person in it knows what they are doing. In the car, he meets Audrey Parker, and his life is never the same. 

*** 

The case is clearly Troubled. The more Nathan finds about it, the clearer it becomes. He can't let Audrey know that though. Audrey is FBI, an outsider, and if Nathan has to pretend to be a close-minded small town cop to make sure she doesn't spread her knowledge outside of Haven, he's willing to do that. No matter how much Audrey asks questions and doesn't seem to buy any of his excuses. It's not that Nathan doesn't *want* to accept what is really going on in his town (what is going on inside *him*), he would just prefer if his town wasn't just some leftover site for freaks. It would be so much easier for Nathan if he had a medical condition/disability in a rational world than accept that he has a really pathetic 'superpower'. 

*** 

After the case is over, Nathan knows Audrey is going to leave. She's not the only outsider who has come to Haven, trying to figure out what is going on. She can't know, though. She takes it all in stride in a way people rarely do. She just... accepts it all. It's pretty amazing. 

But maybe she isn't an outsider after all. There is a woman, in the Colorado Kid murder picture, who looks eerily like her. Nathan doesn't remember the woman. He hasn't thought about that picture in a while. He recognizes the Chief, and Duke. He has no idea what Duke is doing in the photo but he knows what the Chief was doing there, catching but not-solving the case. Maybe there is more going on with all of this than he knows. 

But Audrey's not staying, so it's all moot. 

***1x2 Butterfly 

Finding out that Audrey stayed, that she wants to figure out the situation with the photo (by going straight to the Chief! She really is something), and examining big brass balls for fun, makes Nathan reassess. Freak weather is one thing. Random weird events following from apprearances of butterflies, that can't really be explained away. And Audrey wouldn't even buy anything he would try to sell. He wouldn't believe himself either. 

It's possible he still would not have said anything, told Audrey what he can, if not for the double punch of the Rev openly talking about the Troubles, about Nathan, and the Chief offering Audrey a job. He's not surprised by either event, exactly. But they do require him to accept certain things. 

So he tells Audrey about '83. About the broken arm and poking bone, and Lisa Botke and the screams and the throwing up. And the constant numbness for the next few years. The whispers. The Troubles. Them being back. It's pretty much the first time he's really talked about any of it. Acknowledging, accepting them, it's the final step. In accepting *himself*. Or at least starting to accept himself. Maybe. It's a start of something, anyway.

***1x3 Harmony 

Over the years, Nathan has learned to bottle up a lot of his emotions. It's not just because of his Trouble, it's also this town, it's Maine, it's being a Wuornos. Losing his control over his emotions, of his actions, because of the McBreen Trouble… he never feared it would be that bad. But it was. He doesn't remember what he did, but the looks on Audrey's face, on Duke's face… It was bad. 

Just goes to show, how much the Troubles can fuck people up. Good thing he accepted the Troubles, finally. Would've been hard to justify his actions otherwise. To accept what it revealed. 

***1x6 Fur 

After Nathan starts accepting the Troubles, dealing with the cases becomes easier. He and Audrey still like to figure out all the possible rational possibilities before going for the Troubles explanation, but the Troubles are constantly increasing and the cases become more and more frequent. He begins to adapt to going for the weird option, while figuring out how to explain it away. It helps him deal. The Troubles all make sense, in their own, special Haven way.

Nathan's kinda surprised he ended up being the person to talk Landon Taylor off the ledge. It's not like people don't know that Nathan's Troubled, that he's numb. Everyone knew, even though it wasn't talked about. Being blunt about it (sliced open and bleeding palm is one way of being blunt), connecting with Landon, with his feelings of disconnect and unhumanity… it hits close to home. But he's connecting again. With Audrey. With Jess, as messy as that might be. Maybe with others. Nathan can still do this. Landon can too. 

***1x8 Ain't No Sunshine 

Nathan thought he could do this. Be normal, have a relationship. Despite his Trouble. Despite *being* Troubled. But he can't escape the Troubles. Can't escape his role in town. As long as the Troubles are around, Nathan will be tangled in them. So, Jess leaves. Haven. Him. It hurts. Mostly because he forgot to expect it.

He doesn't want to tell Audrey. But they are friends, and despite everything, they have a connection. So he does.

She's so kind to him, afterwards. He doesn't expect acknowledgement of their friendship. He really doesn't expect the kiss on the cheek. 

The last thing he ever expected was to actually *feel* that kiss. His hand goes to his cheek, automatic reaction and the sensation is indescribable. It's a miracle, but it scares him. What could it mean? About him? About Audrey?  
He hides it, his new little secret. He knows he needs to tell Audrey, but he's not quite ready to accept this. What it might mean. 

***

The last thing Nathan felt before his Trouble came back was probably Duke's fist in his face. After years of *nothing*, of never-ending numbness, the first thing he felt was Audrey's kiss on his cheek. He experienced both by touching his cheek. Numbness and sensation. A lack and a revelation. Life's odd little parallels. 

He doesn't know how to deal with either. But he will adjust. He always does.


	3. The Conversations part 1 (1x11)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intially this was just supposed to explore the contrast between Nathan getting Troubled again because of an act of violence and the first thing he felt again was a lovely act of friendship. But since I also framed this being about the acceptance of Nathan's Trouble, the Nathan & Garland discussions(and finding out the source of his Trouble) are important to deal with.

"I think there's something you've wanted to say to me."

Nathan really didn't want to have this conversation. Not since he chose denial of the Troubles and Garland didn't call him out on it. Not since he finally talked about the Troubles, out loud, to Audrey. Of course he expected that it was coming, but they are both so stubborn that it wouldn't have been too surprising if neither of them never got the conversation started. But now, finally, Chief wants to talk.

So, Nathan tells Garland how frustrated he's found his attitude. Never telling him what Nathan needs and deserves to know. And he's *still* not telling him anything. The more Troubles Nathan investigates, the clearer it becomes that they are hereditary. Family lore and whispers. Where were those in his childhood? All he heard from his parents and doctors was 'idiopathic neuropathy'. Where are they *now*? Who had this before him? It's not the Chief. It wasn't his mother. The Chief knows what is going on, in Haven, with Nathan. Why won't he talk, tells Nathan what he needs to know, instead of just giving him shit, sometimes for dealing and sometimes for not dealing with the Troubles. Why does everything have to be such a secret? 

Instead of explaining anything to Nathan, Garland just blames his childhood stubbornness for not treating Nathan like an actual adult now. Which would've included telling him the truth, about everything. It might have sucked but it would have been necessary.

And of course, they can't even have a 5 minute conversation without getting into arguments. 

It does feel vaguely nice to talk, to acknowledge all of this, finally. Garland is finally trying to make an effort, although it is too little, too late. He needed to know these things when his Trouble came back. He needed to connect with Garland decades ago (when his mother died, it was like he lost both of his parents, his mother to death and Garland to grief). Trying to fix this now, when they can't even have a proper conversation, feels unlikely.

***

They never talk about his mother. Neither one of them has brought her up in years. And now Garland wants to shift the blame again. His mother is not responsible for messing them up. Could she have helped? Of course. But their relationship has always had its issues. His mother's death didn't help, but it didn't create all of their issues. Garland hasn't really underdtood him since he was a child, and it has only gotten worse.

Maybe he shouldn't have said it like that. Calling his mother that. But he's sick of Garland's lack of taking responsibility for the issues in their relationship.

He loved his mother. He misses her almost daily. But he's not convinced Garland doesn't sometimes feel trapped, by being left with such an obviously lacking son.

***

So, now Garland knows. Knows what Nathan has been feeling all these years. Will it change anything? Probably not. Does Nathan feel better? No. It's too late for things to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter got me over the 100,000 words! (By 77 words)


	4. The Conversations part 2 (1x13)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I'm writing this because I don't think I managed to milk all of Nathan's feelings about his paternity in the two Parental Burials chapters on Max and Garland. Enjoy some more Nathan!pain!

“I wanted to tell you.” It sounds so inadequate from him now. What good does wanting do now?

“That I have relatives in Haven that I didn't even know about!” How could Garland have kept this from him? All these years he's struggled with his condition, his Trouble, and Garland always knew there were others like him. Who are the Hansens to him? His mom's side? They never talked enough about that side of him.

“I'm not… I'm not your father.” Nathan thinks he should feel more surprised. He feels betrayed, sure. Angry. Frustrated. But not surprised. 

“Nathan, Max Hansen's your father.” Nathan doesn't really have a repsonse for that. Just like all the kids in Haven, he knew about Max. His awful crime. Da--, the Chi--, Garland was such a hero for catching him. Max's crimes might be even known in other parts of Maine. What a horrible (normal) tragedy that was. 

That poor family. That's his father? A murderer. He met him. He was very interested in Nathan. Full of random praise, like he had anything to do with who Nathan is, who he became. He doesn't know how to deal with this.  
“Are you gonna say something?”  
“Can't say I'm surprised.”

“You mean you knew?” Like most kids with difficult parental relationships, of course Nathan sometimes thought that maybe they weren't related. Maybe there was some better parent just waiting to get him back, make things better. Those were idle thoughts of a child, one who lost his mother physically and seemed to lose his father emotionally. But he never thought it was actually true. He certainly never thought the 'other' parent would be a convicted murderer.

“This? No. But you.. there are so many things you don't tell me, secrets you don't trust me with. Why… why should one more suprise me?” Nathan can't be there right now. He can't stay in this room, when he has no idea what is real anymore. 

He rans into his office and bangs the door closed. He doesn't care about keeping the Wuor--, keeping this quiet. Who knows how many of them already know. Knew about this and kept it from him. Can't trust Nathan to know his own family background. He just has a Trouble, it doesn't matter he doesn't know where it comes from. Suddenly, so many things make sense. Does mean he has to be happy about it.

***

The answer to the cracks Trouble is so simple Nathan hates that he didn't realize it months ago. Both then, months ago, hell, six hours ago, Nathan still thought he and the Chief share DNA. That it couldn't be him, because Nathan has the Wuornos Trouble of numbness. He knows better now. His Trouble is Hansen's, the cracks are Garland's. The Wuornos Trouble. It was always the Chief. 

It explains a bit more about Garland, about why he kept some things secret. Can't talk to Nathan about being Troubled because they don't match. Can't actually straight up tell Nathan he has a Trouble, because no one else in the family having one leads to questions. Can't deal with emotions, because emotions make the earth shake and open. 

The Chief killed Max. The man who raised him, killed the man whose DNA, whose Trouble, Nathan has. He doesn't know what he wants to do. He's been lied to by who knows how many people during the course of his life, the Chief most of all. Their relationship has been so tenuous for long. Can they really be fixed? Does he want to?

Audrey is right about one thing. They need to find the Chief before he does more damage. Maybe by then Nathan has made up his mind about what he wants to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter will be Garland's pov.


	5. Garland's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know it in your heart that Garland swear a ton in his head, so warning for strong language.

No one really wants to raise their child for something like this. Not for the Troubles, this supernatural bullshit that none of them actually understand. Garland supposes that if he had made other choices in his life, he wouldn't have had to train Nathan for this. But he wanted to be a cop, to help his fellow Troubled people through the law. It felt important. Still does.

But his choice, it bled all the way down to Nathan. Nathan becoming a cop was practically a sure thing, once he became a Wuornos. Garland didn't know how else to prepare Nathan for this. He knew how to be a cop, how to deal with things as a cop. That's all he could teach Nathan. In hindsight, maybe Nathan wasn't really cut out for it. Maybe Nathan could have helped in some other way. 

But that is not what is actually important. What is important, that Garland never really wanted Nathan to take part in all this. He wanted to spare him from it, even though he knew he couldn't. 

Those hopes were shot to hell first when it became clear that Nathan had inherited his piece-of-shit father's Trouble. He never wanted that for Nathan. In these situations you're usually supposed to say you wouldn't want something to happen even to one's worst enemy. Well, Max Hansen is Garland's worst enemy, and he could not give less of a fuck how terrible his Trouble is on Max. He just wishes his genes hadn't infected Nathan. Nathan deserved none of it. 

Months later, Garland's last hope of keeping Nathan away from all this is taken away by, who else, but Nathan himself. From the future. Who knows the truth about himself. Who talks about how terrible his Haven is, but looks remarkable together, for all Garland imagines he's gone through. Seeing your son as an adult, having him tell you stories of doom and (your) failure, is disconcerning. Afterwards, he's not sure he told Nathan the right things. He's proud of who his son is going to grow up to be, but he's not quite sure how much credit he can take. Nathan certainly gives him too much. 

*** 

Over the years, he is pretty sure he makes many mistakes with Nathan. He tries not to, but losing his Beth makes everything so much harder, and he can't let go of the mantra that “He will need this”. He doesn't know whether he even believes it himself. Whether he just tries to justify to himself the way their relationship dwindles down to angry conversations, and occasional awkward dinners. He doesn't remember when Nathan stops calling him anything but Chief. 

*** 

He is about to order himself some lunch, looking through the sandwhich options when his walkie talkie rattles. 

LAVERNE: Chief. You have a call for you. From Duke Crocker. 

What does that punk want? And since when has he been back in Haven? 

GARLAND: What is it, Laverne? 

LAVERNE: Says it's about Nathan. 

Garland is filled with dread. GARLAND: Put him through. 

What the fuck was Nathan doing with that Crocker kid, anyway? Last he heard they were semi-friendly before Nathan went off to college and Duke left wherever, but from what he heard the departing wasn't friendly. Nathan has always been too hopeful that people will change. 

Garland picks up his ringing phone after the first ring. 

“Finally! You know it's really hard to get into contact with you people, you'd think--” Duke voice tries to sound nonchalant but Garland hears the panic in it. 

“The fuck is it Crocker? What about Nathan?” 

“He-- something happened. I don't--. He's fucked. I think… I think it's the Troubles.” 

Of course the Crocker kid knows. Probably why he's back in Haven. Trying to work an angle. But thoughts of the whys and wherefors of Duke Crocker are just there to distract Garland from what he is saying. 

“Where?” Garland's voice sounds like shattered glass. He is trying his best to keep his cool. His own Trouble does not need to make a proper comeback now. 

“At the harbor. My boat is the Cape Rouge. The harbor master can tell you the spot. Gotta go, Nate's… aware.” 

*** 

Garland makes it to the harbor as soon as he can and finds the Cape Rouge. IT's Simon's old boat, although Garland doesn't know whether Duke is aware of that. He's letting town bullshit distract him again from thinking what he's about to find. When he's finally at the boat, he feels his heart lurch in his chest and he's damn sure a new crack just opened somewhere. 

Damnit! He doesn't need this. It wasn't quite the first crack for him during this cycle, but one of them. It's just… seeing Nathan like this. He looks just like he used to look as a teenager, having a panic attack, but he hasn't had them in years (at least as far as Garland knows, which isn't actually that much). He is on his knees, crying, bloody hand in his hair. He can't take a tally of his injuries but he has a better idea what Nathan ended up doing with Crocker. Got into a fight. Which for some reason brought his Trouble back. 

He gets onto the Rouge, walks up to Nathan. He just continues crying and doesn't notice his presence. 

“Help him up,” he tells Duke, who is still trying to hide his panicked look, but does as he's told. They both take hold of Nathan's arm and pick him up. Once Nathan is semi-standing, he gives Duke a 'fuck off' look which Duke reads loud and clear. 

The change in elevation seems to rouse Nathan a bit. 

“C'mon, son. Let's go.” 

They manage to walk over the deck and get out of the boat and into the car. Afterwards, Garland is not sure either one of them really could tell how, but they did. Nathan's legs are wobbly and barely hold him up. 

Garland helps him into the passanger seat of the car, putting on the seatbelt and closing the door on him. He takes a moment to just look at Nathan. Nathan just stares out the window, not really seeing anything. Shocked. He needs to take Nathan home, for a bit. 

They drive along in silence. 

“It came back,” Nathan whispers, and Garland gives him a short glance. Nathan is hugging himself, looking so young all of a sudden. It stirs a feeling of sadness in him, but he doesn't have time to deal with that. 

“Yeah, it did.” He hopes Nathan doesn't hear the gruffness in his voice. A man shouldn't know about his father's emotions. When they arrive home, Nathan makes no effort to move, although he can see the recognition and acceptance on Nathan's reflection. Garland is still trying to figure out what should be his next move. 

“I think I should go to the hospital,” Nathan's voice is weak and he is not quite speaking to Garland, just his reflection in the window. 

“Nah, that Crocker didn't hit you that badly. A little wash and yer fine.” He is tempted to ask how could that amount of damage cause Nathan's Trouble to come back. He's not sure what type of emotional mess the two of them are. 

“I meant because of my condition,” Nathan turns to look at him and sounds confused by Garland's reply, like what he meant was supposed to be clear and blatant. 

“Nathan...” He can't help the disappointment in his voice and on his face. He regrets it istantly, but Nathan has already turned around. 

“I'll need to be diagnosed again and some physical therapy. I don't remember how to do this anymore.” 

He can understand where Nathan is coming from. They never talked with him about the Troubles. He didn't need to know about Max, once he forgot and became Wuornos. And then the Troubles went away and there was even less reason to tell him. He knows he should tell him now. Or soon, at least. But they barely talk, these days. He's not ready to lose Nathan. But he should know what is going on. 

“I'll help you. You don't need to go to a doctor. You already know what this is.” He knows he shouldn't, but he is angry. Nathan has heard to rumors. He should know and accept what is going on in Haven without Garland having to tell him. (Coward) He can't tell him, yet. But he can help him with this again. 

“I think you should stay with me for a while.” 

Nathan doesn't argue. Nathan has stuff left over at home, so they can just get settled in tonight. He helps Nathan get inside and into the bathroom. He does need to get cleaned up. Nathan's cheek and lip are split and bloody, and his eye is already turning black. Garland can see Nathan's efforts to turn off his emotions. He saw him do it, both as a Hansen and when his Trouble came back at 7. But Nathan fails and he starts crying. Garland will blame a moment of weakness, and pulls Nathan into him, to hug him. Suddenly, it's like Nathan is 8 years old again who just wants his parent to hold him, and Garland can't help but give it to him. (How could he risk losing this?) 

Nathan continues treating his Trouble like a medical condition, and Garland doesn't know what to do. It frustrates him to see Nathan in such a denial. He worries for Nathan. What will happen once the Troubles really get going and Nathan has to deal with them? Will he get killed because he doesn't accept what is happening? 

*** 

As the months go by, Haven adjusts, Nathan with it. He deals with the Troubled cases with a combination of stubborn rationality and some acceptance. He gets hurt, a lot. Garland visits him in the hospital too damn much. He doesn't know how to talk to Nathan about any of it. It's all couched in years-old fights and frustrations and things they don't say and the wrong things they do say. 

Every day, telling Nathan the truth, about who he is, it gets harder and harder. It's been too long. Their relationship is too difficult. He doesn't know how to change it. 

*** 

When Lucy Ripley comes back into Haven as FB-damn-I Special Agent Audrey Parker, Garland doesn't know how to react. She is so familiar yet not. Howard calls him to let him know, and he almost drives her off the road with his damn cracks. He didn't mean to, but controlling his Trouble has become so much harder. He's getting too fucking old for this. 

Dealing with his relationship with Nathan doesn't help. He knows he doesn't have a lot of time left. He probably won't even see the Hunter again. He needs to make sure that Nathan is ready to take over for him, but he is afraid he won't be. 

Audrey finally helps Nathan accept the Troubles. That he has a Trouble (he knew he'd get there eventually). Nathan doesn't talk to him about it, though. He knows they have to, eventually. Nathan's attitude to him changes. It's not a conversation he is looking forward to. 

He becomes harsher and harsher, to let Nathan go what he is in for. The cover stories for the Troubles need to be rock solid. No outsider can know about them. Knowing how to make the tough choices, to make sure the town survives another cycle, takes skills Nathan seems to refuse to develop. No one is going to give Nathan praise for doing to right thing. People will hate him, but that is the job. Nathan needs to accepted and deal with that. 

*** 

He gets told off by Audrey multiple times how he's failing Nathan, but she doesn't understand. She doesn't know what Nathan needs to survive. What Nathan needs to do. Cuddling him helps no one. He knows what Nathan needs to do. He's just trying to make sure Nathan survives it. 

### 

He keeps trying to adapt his approach to Nathan but nothing is working. He is finally telling him when he does a good job but Nathan rejects it. Maybe telling he did a good job killing the chameleon could have waited, but he thought that was what he wanted. To hear he did a good job. 

He hopes he is finally getting somewhere when Nathan accepts the dinner invitation. They haven't eaten together in months. Nathan's willingness to forego working on his house seems like they are both willing to make an effort. And then Agent Howard comes along. And somehow, he manages to fuck things up again. He's not sure what he did now, but clearly Nathan took offense. No matter. This is a discussion they need to have and Garland is running low on time. 

“I think there's something you've wanted to say to me.” 

He's not totally sure he is ready to hear this. Future!Nathan gave him some cliffnotes about their relationship, and they've certainly lived up to them. But he knows Nathan needs at least a little closure. 

“You knew. About the Troubles. You knew they were back. You knew I had this-- this whatever this is and you never said anything.” 

So, this. Of course. This is coming back to haunt him. He needed to wait until Nathan was properly ready to hear about the Troubles. He wasn't when they came back. He's barely ready now. 

“OK. Maybe I was in denial. So how about calling me on it instead of ignoring me? How about some fatherly advice?” Nathan was always a stubborn kid, it's true. It would have been useless to tell him what he wasn't ready to hear. (Coward. You were afraid to talk about the Troubles with him. Because you were afraid of the moment he'd ask 'Where's mine from?' Couldn't risk it. So blame him) Another failed conversation. 

*** 

He needs to make Nathan understand the situation. He doesn't have a lot of time. He knows it's an asshole move, but he needs Nathan to listen. He needs to make him understand. He needs to hear what Nathan has to say. So, he plays the card he probably shouldn't. Nathan's mother. Elizabeth. His Beth. They were so happy for a while. 

He never recovered from losing her, he knows that. But he didn't quite understand how badly he failed Nathan, then. He tried his best. Turns out, to Nathan, his best doesn't mean a damn. He didn't-- he didn't mean it like that. Didn't mean to ignore Nathan, makes him not need his father, to make it so Nathan doesn't have a father. 

“You know what, Chief, that's what you got.” That 'Chief' is like a stab in the heart. Nathan was always his son. Turns out, he wasn't always Nathan's father. He doesn't know how to fix them, anymore. Maybe they can't be fixed. 

*** 

When Nathan storms into his office, yelling about Max Hansen, Garland knows the day is finally here. The day Nathan finds out. He always knew this day would come. He didn't want it. He wanted things to be better, but he knows things never would be better. 

“I wanted to tell you,” he knows how inadequate that sounds. He should have told Nathan before. 

“That I have relatives in Haven I didn't even know about!” 

He sees the betrayal on Nathan's face. Garland knows Nathan would have deserved to know about the Hansens. There are none in Haven, now, but he deserved to understand his Trouble. But Nathan is still not really seeing the clear picture. He still thinks he's a Wuornos. Maybe he should be happy about that. But he knows that he doesn't have much time with Nathan. 

“I'm not… I'm not your father. Nathan, Max Hansen is your father.” 

Now it's out. Nathan's life long secret is out and Nathan doesn't say anything. He can't stand the silence. 

“Are you gonna say something?” 

“Can't say I'm surprised.” 

“You mean you knew?” That's were his mind goes first. That somehow, this secret that has eaten away at them for decades, was not a secret at all. 

“This? No. But you… there are so many things you don't tell me, secrets you don't trust me with. Why... why should one more surprise me?” 

And then Nathan runs out of the office. How could he ever fix this? He needs to tell Audrey, maybe she can explain it to Nathan in a way that would work. 

“Wanted to tell him for so long. Just thought I'd wait a little while, hoping things would get better between us. It'd be easier to tell him. I don't wanna lose him. Now, things never actually did get better between us and I've lost him anyway. The way he treated Nathan's mother, way he treated that little boy. I should have killed him then.” 

He still wants to kill him. Now even more, possibly. Max Hansen is scum that should never have been released. He wants him to stay far away from Nathan. He might have been a failure as a father, but Max… Max was worse. He gets Audrey to leave, and he feels his Trouble trigger. He knows he did some real damage this time. Worse than that poor lifehouse. 

*** 

He needed to get away. Needed to tell someone, to talk. The Teagues are the right fit. They know everything he knows and then some. They try to comfort him, tell him Nathan won't abandon him, reject him. They didn't see Nathan, though. This was the last straw for Nathan. 

It might be too much for Garland too. He killed Max. Only partly intentionally , but he did. He's not sure how long he can hold on anymore. He can feel his Trouble rumbling inside. He doesn't have much time. He needs to go somewhere where he can do the least damage. 

*** 

They find him. Of course they do. Nathan knows him better than anyone. Knows what this beach means. Nathan keeps calling him Chief. He supposes he deserves that. There is so much he needs to tell him, explain to him, still. Although it's too late for so many things. For him. 

“It's your town now. I'm sorry I've been so hard on you, Nathan. I had to make you strong. Well, you're stronger now. Stronger than I am. I'm done. I can't be fixed.“ 

“Yes. Yes, you can.” 

He doesn't know where Nathan gets his capacity for hope. Must be from his mother. It's too late for him, and Nathan should see that. 

“You still not seeing what's in front of you. Audrey sees what's in front of her. She's not telling me it's gonna be fine, are you.” 

“Tell him, Audrey. Go ahead, tell him. Tell him!” 

He still needs to tell Audrey some things. She sees how things are. She's helping Nathan see things the way he needs to, but he's not there yet. Nathan still thinks there is something he can do. Garland knows there isn't it. But maybe there would still have been hope, for the two of them. 

“Please let us help.” 

I wish they could. There is one last thing he needs to do. Something he didn't do enough. Say enough. 

“I love you, son.” 

The last thing he hears before his Trouble consumes him is, 

“Dad.”


	6. It's Not My Fault (Duke PoV)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Set pre-Haven and in Welcome to Haven and Harmony.

1)"It's not my fault." Duke wants to tell Nathan, even though he's pretty sure Nathan doesn't hear anything right now. (He didn't know Nathan still gets panic attacks, like in high school)

2)"It's not my fault!" Duke wants to yell after Garland Wuornos, as he drags his son away. 

3)"It's wasn't my fault," Duke wants to tell the people of Haven, as he starts hearing rumors around town about that poor Nathan Wuornos, whose 'condition' (Trouble) came back. 

4)It's not Duke's fault that Nathan is such a grudge holding asshole that he can't let any little thing go. It's not his fault that Wuornos couldn't compromise just a little to do a tiny little favor to a-- a pal-esque type person. 

5)"It wasn't my fucking fault!" Duke wants to yell at Nathan throughout the years, when Nathan gives him ridiculous parking tickets, and sometimes blames him for any crime that happens in Haven. 

6)"It wasn't really my fault." Duke wants to tell Audrey Parker, Nathan's new partner. Not that he thinks Nathan's explained anything to Audrey. He doesn't talk about that stuff. Doesn't even acknowledge it's a Trouble. 

7)"Does she know you're not a real boy?" is the closest he ever comes to actually saying anything about that time. He's tired of this state they are in. He really did want to become proper friends when he resettled into Haven. But Nathan just can't fucking let anything go. So, Duke hurts him the way he knows how to do. If they're not friends, then they'll be enemies. 

8)Nathan looks up at him with his crazy eyes, spitting blood out of his mouth like it's nothing, saying,  
"You can't hurt me. Remember?"

And now, years later, Duke has to admit something. Maybe, maybe it was his fault.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter is going to be Audrey in S1 pov.


	7. Audrey and the Troubles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Audrey's thoughts in season 1, on the Troubles, Haven, and her past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not quite sure what this is, this was supposed to be about Audrey adjusting to the Troubles in season 1 but it ended up being a lot more extensive than that (this chapter is longer then the previous chapters combined 7,100 words vs 9,219) and might even work as a separate fic but I started writing this as a part of this one so here it is.

**1x1 Welcome to Haven**

Audrey Parker has just arrived into Haven, Maine and the town quickly shows it's uniqueness. The town is quite beautiful. She was raised in landlocked Ohio, so the nature is very different to what she's used to. The weather is only very different than what she's used to. The people are too. 

Audrey is not quite sure what to make of Nathan Wuornos, an odd man in a strange town. His helped her out of her car in a way that was full of weird nonchalant-ness, like he often found women hanging off a cliff in their cars listening to horrible music and he had to help them out. Then he jumped the metaphorical gun about her literal gun and they ended up having a Mexican standoff 5 minutes after they met. That certainly is an interesting start for a temporary partnership. 

But things get even weirder than that. She accidentally hits his fingers with the door of his truck and he barely even reacts with anything beyond annoyance. So, he's some kind of tough guy, huh? Well, she knows the type. She can handle that. 

But luckily, there’s more than some macho bullshit to Nathan. He’s willing to listen to her and follow her lead, which is somewhat unusual with local cops, as exemplified by his own father. That is a clear ’daddy issues’ warning. Glad she doesn’t have to deal with those issues in her own personal life. But Nathan seems sympathetic to her situation as a 'free agent', which is nice, but not what she needs right now. They have a case to solve and then she’ll leave this town behind like all the other cases. Nathan’s fun, though, so at least she’ll have good memories of this case. 

Soon, Audrey gets another sample of the strangeness of Haven. They are talking with an uncooperative, monosyllabic vet who is a possible suspect, until suddenly, a fog appears. Audrey is vaguely aware that Maine has some weird weather, but a ‘fog out of nowhere’ weird? That’s gotta mean something. Jonas Lester was pushed, probably by a strong wind. That’s another instance of weird weather. 

But she doesn’t really have time for those types of thoughts. Those are for later, after she has saved Nathan from getting hit by a truck driving blindly in the fog. And another weird thing gets revealed. Nathan can’t feel. 

She realizes it once the fog disappears, and even though she herself is still trying to get her bearings, Nathan is up, giving himself a weird check out. Audrey’s shoulder hurts a bit from the impact, yet Nathan doesn’t seem to be in any actual pain. 

“Do you see a bump?” he asks her, holding up his hair away from his forehead. Then he comments, “Oh,” before helping her up, pulling her up by her sleeve. The situation is really weird, but Audrey looks at Nathan’s head. 

“There’s nothing. Are you OK? Couldn’t you tell yourself? Bumps tend to hurt.” 

“Nope, can't” is all Nathan says before walking towards the fast approaching ambulance for a check-up. Once there, Nathan calmly explains to the doctor, Eleanor, what happened and he shows no physical discomfort at Eleanor as she is running tests on him. 

_“So, you seriously can’t feel any pain?”_

_“It’s called idiopathic neuropathy.”_ Nathan doesn’t look at her when he says the diagnosis and Audrey tries to quickly remember whether she’s ever heard of that condition before. Nope, it doesn’t say anything to her, but it is curious. She can’t help asking Nathan some clarifying questions, even though she can kinda tell it’s making Nathan even more uncomfortable. 

_Audrey: “So, you really didn’t feel it when the car door hit your hand?”_

_Nathan: “No.”_

_Audrey: “Can you feel fire?”_

_Nathan:“No.”_

_Audrey: “Can you feel ice?”_

_Nathan: “Oddly, yes, I can feel ice.”_

_Audrey: “You can feel ice?”_

_Nathan: “No. But I can feel a headache coming on, though.”_

Nathan goes to get his 9th MRI while whining all the way. Audrey wonders briefly about what Nathan’s life must be like. His condition is interesting. 

She needs to update Agent Howard on her Lester case, but as she is debriefing, she can’t help but think of what she’s seen. Cracks on the road. Weird, sudden weather. And a man who cannot feel. This reminds her of Miami. Audrey has always trusted her gut, and right now, her gut says there is something strange and not normal going on but she’s not sure what. 

Before she can wonder about that some more, she’s accosted by two old strange, somewhat creepy, men who claim some familiarity with her. She’s used to being bothered by newspaper men, so she knows how to handle those types. 

Nathan comes back, skipping his MRI and Audrey’s not quite sure how she should take that. Nathan’s familiarity with the locals could be helpful, and it is his health, but still. He doesn’t seem hurt, so she lets him come with her to meet Marion, the antique shop owner. 

Audrey doesn’t always remember how to talk to civilians, so it’s good that Nathan is with her, he can temper her awkwardness a bit. She worries a bit when he goes off to take a phone call, because having a local cop around put small towners at ease, and she might miss some nuances of what the people do or don’t tell her. 

Next Audrey finds out that not only does Nathan have his daddy issues out in the open, so is his opinion on one Duke Crocker. Audrey’s not quite sure what to make of that. She moved around so much as a kid that she never managed to create these lifelong feuds. At least, that’s what she assumes it is. 

She and Nathan again go their separate ways, working different angles. The hale, just like all the weather today, and even the road, ends up surprising her. This time, her own life is in danger and she loses consciousness when she hits the ocean. 

Her second day in Haven, and she’s already almost died twice, and she really doesn’t appreciate it. She likes it even less when she wakes up in a strange place, naked. Her opinion on Haven is lessening bit by bit. 

She doesn’t know what to make of Duke Crocker. He’s kinda creepy. Taking her clothes, trying to guess how she likes her coffee. She just hopes he’s not one of those types to not actually respect it when someone doesn’t want them watching them get dressed. At least he didn’t take her badge. She might as well interrogate him about that stolen gun while she’s here. Her opinion on the man remains mixed as she goes back to the Haven PD station. Nathan has clearly made up his mind on the man, which is understandable, but Nathan is also clearly barking up the wrong tree in this case. 

The weather is demonstrably peculiar, and Audrey’s not sure what to make of Nathan’s insistence that it’s just how Maine weather is. Is he in denial? Covering for something? She can’t quite get a read on Nathan yet. His denial starts becoming slightly frustrating when she brings in Conrad, who confessed to Lester’s murder and seemingly blew her against a car. She can’t pretend that didn’t happen, even though Nathan would clearly like it better if she would. But he doesn’t stop her from pursuing her ‘lead’, and even loans her his desk. 

After spending some time looking into weird weather in Haven, something else weird hits her. Some really strong smells are coming from vials on Nathan’s desk. He really is an odd man. Although once the Teagues explain that it’s about him taking advantage of all his remaining senses, it makes sense. She still can’t really work with them on the desk. Although she feels like checking whether he has smelling salt when she is shown a picture from 27 years ago, of a woman who looks remarkably similar to herself. Someone who looked like her was in Haven before, and she doesn’t really know what to do with that information yet. Best to get back to the case. 

She finally figures out the case, what happened with Lester and Ted, as well as the fact that somehow Marion must be the cause of this strange weather. It's easy to find her, one just has to follow the storm. Even though the situation is not really anything she's really been trained for, she can adapt and she's used to talking down people from doing something horrible they won't be able to take back. 

It's also good that Nathan came when he did, and took care of Ted, so Audrey could just concentrate on Marion and getting her to stop the storm before anything too horrible happens. His condition can also sometimes come in handy, as morbid as that sounds. 

After Marion has calmed down, and Ted is in cuffs at the back of Nathan's car, he calls ahead to the hospital to expect him with a gunshot wound. That is… rather disconcerting behavior but she doesn't really have a place to tell Nathan how to handle himself. At least he's going to the hospital this time. 

As Nathan deals with Ted and his arm, Audrey is trying to figure out how to deal with Marion's situation. As bad as she is with social skills sometimes, she has a hunch Marion and Conrad really care about each other, and he would be good for Marion, and might keep her power in check. It's a complicated issue, but Marion doesn't deserve to go to jail, or jail might not hold her. Hopefully, Conrad is able to keep her calm. 

Tuwiowok, Haven for God's orphans. That's an appropriate name for this town, Audrey can already tell. Maybe it will be appropriate for her, too. There is that picture of a woman she might be related to. Maybe she's connected to this town. She might stay her for a while. She has all that vacation time she never takes She needs to think about it a bit more. 

She walks by a flower shop as she's going back to the police station, to finish up the case and check up on Nathan, and she decides to go into the shop to get Nathan something she would also like to smell in his(their) office. The lilies and lilac bouquet is a bit big, and she's not much for flowers, but the scent is lovely. Hopefully Nathan will like them. 

She enters Nathan's office and finds him sleeping, his arm in a sling. She can see the Chief looking from his own office, probably worried about Nathan but not making the effort to really check on him. That is a complicated relationship she has no idea how to deal with. If she has to deal with it at all. She hasn't decided whether she's staying. The newspaper article is still on Nathan's desk and she picks it up, looks at the sad woman again. 

_”Lilies and lilac,”_ Nathan wakes up and without opening his eyes, he recognizes the flowers. _“You’re an odd man, detective,"_ she finally tells him aloud. Nathan takes her comment in stride, _”How’s your shoulder?”_

_“It’s alright,”_ Nathan says nonchalantly as he sits up, because of course it is. 

_“Oh, tough guy,”_ she says again, laughing. It's a joke this time. 

They talk more about Marion and her situation, and Audrey can't believe Nathan's still denying what very clearly happened in the woods. She's not quite sure what to make of that. 

_”You still don’t? When you've ruled everything else out, you have to accept what's left.”_

_”Guess I'm not ready to rule everything else out yet.”_ That's probably good enough. And it is Nathan's town, his life. If he needs to think it's something explainable, who is she really to argue. 

Nathan changes the topic to the newspaper clipping she's been holding in her hand. Nathan must have seen it earlier on his desk. She wouldn't mind knowing more about that picture, finding out where she can find more information. 

_”Colorado Kid murder. Chief was a beat cop on the case. He never solved it, which I try and remind him of whenever I can.”_

That's an odd topic of conversation, but when they are both cops, that is probably what the topics are like. But she can't help but pick on his phrasing. _”The Chief? You mean your Dad?”_

Nathan hesitates slightly, _“I mean the Chief.”_ There are nuances she doesn’t understand in Nathan’s silences. She'll let him have them, for now. At least now she has a lead to follow. 

_”Can I see it?"_ Nathan looks at the picture intently, and she knows exactly when he notices the similarity. _”She looks like you.”_

_”I know.”_ Audrey ends up sharing her dream about a Mom that rescues every single orphan in the world and takes them home. There's sympathy in Nathan's voice when he tells her it might be better to let go of that dream. But she can't. Not quite yet. Especially now that she has an actual lead for the first time in her life. 

She needs to stay here, figure out how she’s connected to this town. She also really wants to know what’s really going on there. So, she finally uses her vacation time. Hopefully she'll get some much needed answers. 

**1x2 Butterfly**

Audrey has decided to stay in Haven for now, taking advantage of her vacation time (although why would she actually vacation here? The only thing they have is a moose gallery. Weird), trying to find out more about the woman in the picture who might be her mother. Chief Wuornos is really unhelpful, and Audrey doubts it's just her lack of social skills or niceties. But even though she is frustrated about him, because she's pretty sure the Chief knows something he's not telling her, she'll just have to wait for him to be ready to tell her, and use her time by figuring out this whole rogue 'big metal ball' thing. 

The longer she's in Haven, the clearer it becomes to her that she really doesn't really know Maine small town life. Metal balls, Revs still resenting prom era activities, and skeletons in closets the size of buildings. Something is just *off * in Haven, but she doesn't know what. Luckily she likes weird things (even though that includes almost dying by a butterfly cocoon made from her blanket) and she wants to figure out what is going on. She knows Nathan knows more than he's telling. Maybe he'll tell her when he trusts her, his denials are getting very half hearted already. 

The turning point is figuring out Bobby is the cause of these butterflies and the weird related occurrences, and the Rev's subsequent relapse. What's going on here is a lot more than just some resentment over Prom dates, it has something to do with who (or what) Nathan is, what Bobby is. The Rev calls them 'The Troubles' and Nathan's reaction tells her that the Rev hit a nerve. She tries to ask Nathan about it but he refuses to talk about it as they race to find Bobby in time before something horrible happens. At least Nathan appreciates her concern, even if he's not ready to explain what on Earth it all means. 

Audrey gets another near death experience as Bobby projects his parents on her and Nathan, but they survive, and manage to get to Bobby and Hannah and help them deal with this 'Trouble' thing. No one actually uses that word though, or anything like it. Yet everyone knows that Bobby's issue is one. The open secret-ness of it all is fascinating but frustrating. 

Later, as she helps Bobby and Hannah move away from the Rev's place, she ends up talking with Bobby about parents and their importance. And how Bobby was lucky to his even for as long as he did. Maybe he doesn't quite get it now, but she never had any parents, she's never had any memories of them. Both what she's seen of Nathan and the Chief, of Hannah and the Rev, everything is complicated. Everyone just has to deal with the hand they're dealt, with or without parents. 

Speaking of parents, the next morning, Chief Wuornos is still very unhelpful. All the evidence from the Colorado Kid murder case is gone, flooded, he has nothing to show her except an empty box. She's pretty sure the Chief's manipulating her, trying to get her to stay, by telling her she might really find something out if she stays. He also offers her a job, for another reason to stay in Haven. She's not sure why. Sure she has been helpful to him, with these cases. And she can't say she's not intrigued by this town. She likes weird stuff, and this place has plenty of it. Their denial of what is going on is really something else, though, so maybe they even need her in here. But she has to think about it. Talking it over with Nathan might help. 

She finds him by the bay sitting on a bench. It really is quite beautiful here. 

_Audrey: Your father just offered me a job._

_Nathan: What did you say?_

_Audrey: Said I'd think about it._

_Nathan: I think you should take it._

_Audrey: You think so?_

Then Nathan tells her a story from 1983. It's the year of the Colorado Kid murder, the year her mystery lookalike was here. Maybe that means something? She likes imagining little Nathan sledding down the hill. Hitting a tree and girls throwing up is kinda amusing since apparently nothing terrible happened. Or apparently it did, because what Nathan describes next makes her squasy. 

_Nathan: I had blood all over my coat and a bone sticking out of my arm and I never felt a thing. Wasn't the only thing that happened that year._

_Audrey: The Troubles?_

Of course, she's already seen Nathan's condition in action. He has a medical name for it, (she looked it up, naturally, and the only thing it really means is that there's something wrong with his nervous system) but that's not what it really is. And Bobby is not just having nightmares. Bobby affected things with those his dreams. Nathan can't feel a gunshot or a car door. 

She's already gotten a taste of how the town sees the Troubled, how they are treated. The Rev's rhetoric about Nathan being cast out by god and all that, how upset it made Nathan, Bobby being thrown out of his home because of who he is, it's not right. She wants to help them. 

She decides to stay, eat some pancakes, take the job, try and figure out what is going on. She can't help feeling like this town holds all the secrets she's always wanted answers to. 

**1x3 Harmony**

Being a small town cop is more amusing than Audrey expected. Dealing with drunken sailors and a box full of cats isn't really what she signed up for, but it's amusing nonetheless. She does hope that things pick up on the 'Troubled' cases front. Those are the cases she's really interested in and build for. 

Nathan tries to tease her about her methods, and she's gotta say, it's fun to have a partner. She's been a solo act for most of her career, traveling all over the country. Getting to know the locals hasn't really been her thing. But she can tell that will be necessary. She's glad to have Nathan to teach her, give her tips. Laverne is also a great help, even if she makes for a lousy SWAT team. 

She's kinda fascinated by the Freddy. You'd think it was more occupied, given Haven's weirdness and everyone's denial over it. But at least the case is Troubled again. Really weird, just like how she likes it. It is odd though, was it spilled drugs (Nathan comment about college was kinda funny, but they shouldn't joke like that among civilians), or did someone trigger this reaction? How and why? She can't wait to find out. 

Nathan calls her out on how she likes the weirdness and that's why she stayed. She's not quite ready to concede Nathan's point, because her liking weird cases and her unorthodox methods have gotten her in (small 't') Trouble before, so she tells him that it's about her possible mother, the cases being just a bonus. 

The case ends up being tough, with Nathan getting effected and attacking Duke, with who knows what happening between them when she was out dealing with the case with Lucassi. Nathan has a newly split lip, and the atmosphere at Duke's boat is extremely uncomfortable. Nathan seems to barely keep himself together in the aftermath, and Duke wants in on the case, even though Audrey has no idea why until later. 

They manage to safe Ray, the Troubled person, from Lucassi's insanity, and it's time for another one of Audrey's weird ways of dealing with the Troubles. Sending Ray and Lily and z and y out into the open ocean is one way to hope the only people affected by Ray's music are those who benefit from it. 

Duke finally reveals that he knows exactly what is going on in here, when he asks her about the Troubles. It's weird supposedly being the one in the know about this situation when she's only known about them for a week. But she can tell Duke her understanding of the situation, less colored by fear than Nathan's, but still certain. She doesn't mention the possible name she just heard for the CK woman. Duke doesn't know about her search. But she can't wait to tell Nathan. 

_Audrey:”Lucy. Her name was Lucy._

_Nathan:”Lucy. That's a start”_. Nathan has a nice smile, though it is marred by dried blood on his lip. 

_Audrey:”You were right. These weird cases, they do turn me on.”_

_”You want to fix them.”_

_”No, they're just cases. Really interesting cases.”_ She doesn't quite want to admit it but Nathan's kinda right. Solving these cases is the easy part. The real issue is figuring out how to deal with them. Fixing them, it feels good. 

_”Well, maybe, you'll fix me someday.”_

_”I don't think so. No one can fix you.”_ There really is an odd forwardness to Nathan, blatantly asking her to fix him. She's not quite sure where to even start fixing Nathan and his issues. She can't claim she isn't kinda tempted though. 

But that's for another time. She has a name. Like Nathan said, that's a start. 

**1x4 Consumed**

Audrey's trying to adapt more to life in Haven but she struggles with it. For some reason, she gets frustrated by Duke calling her outfit 'nice', and ‘federal-agent-chic’ doesn’t make it any better. Especially since he refuses to answer any of her questions. He won’t even hear them. Annoying that Duke is willing enough to crappily flirt with her, but won’t help her figure out a personal mystery of hers. 

Her adapting is not helped by her visit to the Farmer's Market being interrupted by lots of food rotting within 30 seconds. She was just trying to do something nice and normal, yet the Troubles follow her everywhere, apparently. Nathan's ribbing bothers her a bit, but only a bit. They're starting to develop a habit of ruling out possible 'normal' causes before jumping into the Troubles, but one doesn't really need to jump far in this case. The variety of foods that rotted, the simultaneousness, it all spells Troubles. It's harder to figure out who is responsible for it and why. Although if she's honest, she's more weirded out by the cows in an ice cream shop and its extreme small-towny-ness. 

When Audrey gets back to the station, she comes back to find presents on her desk, obviously from Nathan, a quintessential 'Maine' look, complete with fuzzy winter boots and red flannel. She really appreciates it. No one has really gotten her anything like this before. No one has tried to make her feel at home before. So naturally she makes fun of his squinting and his lack of using any unnecessary words. But she's really touched. Not so touched she'll root for University of Maine’s Black Bears, but she can appreciate a nice thermos mug for her coffee. She also likes it when Nathan calls her his partner to Bill McShaw. It feels right. 

When they finally figure out what happened to the food and to Geoff McShaw, Nathan uses the threat of the Troubles to get a confession out of Katarina. Audrey hasn't known Nathan long, but she already knows that he doesn't like to talk about the Troubles, doesn't want to go to that well if he can help it. Most don't see the Troubled in a good light, and possibly exposing himself like that takes guts. 

_Audrey:”Are you OK?”_ She feels the need to check on him afterward. 

_Nathan:”We couldn't let her believe Haven is full of freaks.”_ She can't help but be bothered by how Nathan refers to himself and people like him, but it's not her place to comment on that. She can just again fix another Troubled person, and get Bill far away from food and get Duke a legitimate business. 

**1x5 Ball and Chain**

She is kinda surprised how fun it is to learn new things about Nathan. He golfs and turns to mush with babies. She feels slightly weird about not having a similar hobby, but crime scenes are awesome. Why would she do something else? She didn't even know there is a golf course near enough for Nathan to have that as a hobby, and she's not quite sure how she feels about the complete transformation Nathan goes through with babies, with the voice and everything. It's kinda disconcerting, she's so used Nathan being a cop, a sarcastic, slightly bitter yet compassionate, cop. But put a baby near him or in his arms and he melts. She's not quite sure how she feels about babies, and she does need Nathan to be a cop again. Because either there is a really old poucher or the Troubles are at it again. 

It's very clear to Audrey that there is a lot she doesn't know about Nathan and Duke's past, and she is probably projecting her own good-ish relationship with Duke when she thinks they should reconcile, even though neither one of them seems very willing to do that. But bitterness is not good for you. But she should probably stay out of it. She can deal with Duke, Nathan can handle other evidence. 

Not that going to Duke's The Grey Gull gives her much to go on. No one recognizes the victim, or at least they won't talk to her. Duke does classify their relationship as friendly, even though she's a cop, and he makes a dinner bet with her. Neither one of them is much for commitments, so Audrey doesn't think about the bet that much. Duke will probably forget it, anyway. 

When Duke does bring up the bet later when Nathan is right there, she doesn't really wanna talk about it. She's not quite sure *why* she doesn't want Nathan to know, but it's not a big deal. The whole thing slips her mind once they make the plans to go visit Camden for the case. She should have at least cancelled on Duke. The food sounds good, but work comes first. She is kinda disappointed she lost the bet and didn't let him know, but she's sure Duke understands. 

She's not sure how to deal with Duke the next day, so she just ignores him calls until it's too persistent to ignore. She wishes she hadn't put off his calls as long as she did. She also feels bad that this happened because she stood Duke up, and now Duke's life is in danger. She kinda wishes Duke would know her well enough to know she is about the case, while still caring about him, rather than jealous that he was with someone else. She just wishes his choice of Helena hadn't been life threatening to him. 

The case is really dangerous and she's not quite sure how to get everyone through it alive. But she manages to do that anyway, luckily, and Duke survives, Beattie still has two children to take care of, a family in Nebraska gets the child they've been wanting, and Nathan gets some baby snuggles. She's starting to become quite good at winging these cases. But she doesn't have any guidebooks on how to handle them, and she didn't decide to tell Duke about Jean until right before the words left her mouth. Duke deserves to know. Jean deserves to eventually know that her biological father knew about her. Just like Jean deserves to have a picture of her first day alive. She can give them both what she didn't have. 

**1x6 Fur**

Werewolves, witches, evil Dr. Dolittles. Figuring out the Troubles really lets her imagination run wild and Audrey really enjoys that. If only the Chief wouldn't give them both such a hard time about dealing with them, especially Nathan. Nathan is better at this than the Chief gives him credit for, and she doesn't really like the way Chief talks about leaving all this for Nathan to handle. There must be more to all this than she knows, and the Chief is still not telling her what it is. 

She's also starting to really get how they work, the triggers and how stress makes them worse. Also the generational aspect of them is becoming more and more clear, as messed up and sad as that seem to be. Everything is secret, even within family, even with the people who need the most to know what they can do, what might happen. Cauldwells, McBreens, the Taylors, whatever is or isn't going on with the Wuornoses… it's all such a secret which leads to the Troubles just continuing forever. It's messed up. 

But she can't help and think Jess was right, when she called them magic. Nathan's actions certainly approach magical, he's surprisingly good at talking people down, and connecting with other Troubled people. He should give himself more credit. But she does wish Nathan could do that stuff without cutting his palm like that. At least Eleanor is finally opening up to her. _”You're not a summer person anymore, kid._ Hopefully that means she starts getting some much needed answers from *someone *. 

**1x7 Sketchy**

Audrey and Nathan's partnership keeps getting more and more natural and Audrey really enjoys that. 60 seconds to figure out normal causes for their victim's injuries, and then they move on to Troubled explanations. Piece of cake. It's also fun to tease Nathan a bit about his obliviousness to Jess' obvious flirting. It's quite amusing, although it does make her wonder about him a bit. She hopes they work out, because she likes them both and Nathan deserves good things. So, she'll help them out a little, followed with a little teasing. It's really nice to have something like this. 

Nathan still takes some convincing of this, though. He doesn't like opening up to her, and she can kinda see *why *. His odd hobby of decoupaging, picked up because of his Trouble, and his lack of flirting skills are somewhat touchy subjects. But she just wants to get to know him better. This is the type of stuff partners do, right? She'll warm him up, eventually. 

She could do without this case though. There's a deliberateness she hasn't really seen before with the Troubles. The victim's are targeted, and the attacks are varied. It's like the perpetrator knows she's after him and is taunting her. She really wants to figure this out, and kick the ass of whoever's responsible. When she finds out that someone has decided to use someone else's Trouble for blackmail, it's quite distressing. It's one thing to deal with your own Trouble in a bad way, or not know that you have it, but to see someone else's Trouble, take advantage of it and use it for your own awful ends? It's terrible. She's not very sad when Vickie Dutton's blackmailer ends up ironically dying because of his own drawing. It was more of a team effort, but she's glad they kicked this Trouble's ass. 

Duke did end up being helpful with the case, so she tries to be nice to him by drinking enough martinis to justify a big enough tip as a thank you. Their relationship is kinda weird and she's not sure how to define it, but she's kinda OK with that. His advice about lowered expectations make her pause, though. Of course she shouldn't expect a person she's into to get her the moon from that sky or anything, but she's also fine alone. Why lower her expectations just to get something she's not sure she needs. And if someone wants to live up to her expectations, then all the better. But for now, she'll just drink Duke's Martini's, and enjoy his company. 

**1x8 Ain't No Sunshine**

She's surprised to realize how long she's been in Haven, so long that she really should be able to remember the names of her coworkers better. She can't even guess anyone's correctly, except Nathan's. It's also weird to realize how exemplary that has been of her life. She was popular enough in high school, but after that, she was too busy, working two jobs and then Quantico took all her time. She traveled around for cases so much she never even had to learn anyone's names. She should make the effort to do that in Haven, however long she'll end up being here. But it's surprisingly hard. She thinks they appreciate her effort. though. Although, she does need a ton of practice. 

Nathan is a pretty good person to practice with. She's not quite sure how she really feels about Nathan and Jess, except that she wants him to be happy and she likes Jess, and maybe she shouldn't butt in on their relationship so much, but Nathan is clearly struggling with the relationship, and she wants to help him with that. She's not looking for anything, but Nathan obviously is, as difficult as it might be for him, and she wants him to have watch he wants. He seems to want Jess. 

The case resolves, and Jess leaves both Haven and Nathan, and there's a part of Audrey that can't blame her. She's thought about leaving herself, but she can't, and she's not sure why. But there is one thing she does know. Nathan is her friend, and she is his, and maybe she didn't have time for friends, maybe Nathan doesn't have many friends either, but they have each other. 

Nathan looks so sad but trying to hide it, that she can't stop herself from offering him a gesture of comfort. She knows he can't feel the kiss (Nathan is surprisingly warm, and soft against her lips, not that she should be thinking of those thoughts about him), but maybe he can sense it, and it makes her feel better to seal their friendship with a kiss. It was one of those spontaneous things she sometimes does, and she's not quite sure she wants to know Nathan's reaction, so she goes to her side of the car without looking back at him. It takes Nathan longer to get back into the car than she expected, but it gave her time to think a little about the action by herself. Their drive back to the station is quiet, and they don't talk about kiss. Nathan doesn't seem to mind it, though.

 **1x9 As You Were**

Audrey is cranky and tired and suspicious of Duke’s intentions but when she finally arrives at Carpenter’s Knot and finds out the real reason, it’s nothing she was expecting. No one's ever given her a birthday party before! Audrey very well might cry, but she does have a reputation to maintain. She almost doesn’t know what to do with herself, she’s so touched. All these people, even Julia who she’s never met before, are here for her. For the first time, she really feels like she has friends and a home. 

She does worry about Nathan, he was so upset about Jess, that she wouldn’t have blamed him if he didn’t come to her party. She is really glad he did though. It’s exciting to see all the presents, for her, and she can’t wait to explore another part of Haven. 

Vaughn Carpenter is an odd man, but to his credit, he doesn’t hide the fact he recognizes her, and she gets a last name for Lucy! Lucy Ripley. The Wuornoses are awkward and Duke is being weird but that’s normal, she just wants to talk with Vaughn some more about Lucy. He’s the first really solid lead she’s had. 

Audrey finds Vaughn Carpenter, and she can tell immediately that something is wrong with him, although she’s not quite sure what. 

“Please, you have to help me, Audrey! Lucy helped me, all those years ago.” 

Vaughn looks so sad and desperate but Audrey has no idea even how to help him or what his issue is, “I don't know how,” she tells him sadly and something happens and Audrey blacks out. She doesn’t remember much from being knocked out, suffocating in the trunk. She has little idea what happened, until finally she can breathe properly again, and she sees Nathan’s face, distraught and wet with tears. More intense than she’s seen him before, it almost reminds her of his behavior when Jess was injured. 

_“Are you crying? Because crying will not be tolerated.”_

After everyone has a good laugh like it’s the end of Murder She Wrote, everyone is exhausted and goes to bed. Even though Audrey lost the whole day, being knocked out in a trunk is very different from sleeping in a comfy bed. 

The next morning when she wakes up, arrangements have already been made for them to get back to mainland. The ride back is silent, like everyone is still recuperating from what happened. 

When they are back on land, she meets up with Nathan to talk about what she missed. Nathan is odd and evasive, asking for her middle name, sharing his, without actually really answering her questions about how he knew. It’s one of those things she’ll have to ask him more about later. That topic dies down as she sees Eleanor’s body, and poor Julia. It’s so sad to know that one of the people she was starting to count on is now gone. 

She watches Nathan have another heated (for them) conversation with his father, and she feels bad for them. Then Duke drops the bombshell that he knew Lucy, he was in the CK picture, and Lucy left a necklace with him. She really has no idea how to react to this. She was almost starting to trust Duke, but he kept this from her for so long? She *asked* him about Lucy already and got no answer back. Instead of really talking to Duke, she gets into her car and drives to her room at Over the Way. She has a lot to process. 

The next time she seems him, Nathan shows her the chameleon clippings from the Herald and tells her,“ ‘You’ went to Vince for what he knew about the situation. We never had time to get caught up with each other, so I don’t know what Vince told you.” 

Great, another man keeping secrets from her. “Did you know that boy in the picture is Duke?” 

“I guess. I didn’t pay as much attention to that part of the picture. I don’t remember Lucy, and I have no idea what connection the two of them might have had.” 

Audrey sighs, and waves the clippings, “Thanks for these. I’ll go talk to Vince soon.” 

Eventually, she manages to squeeze in a visit to the Herald. 

”Vince, you wrote the article. What did you tell ‘me’? Did you know my mother? Why didn’t you tell me this before?” 

”Audrey, I didn’t know what happened back then. But yes, I knew Lucy. She helped people, just like you.” 

”Why didn’t you tell me you knew her? Why didn’t you act like you wasn’t even sure her name was Lucy?” 

”Audrey, the situation in Haven is very complicated.” 

”What, I can only find things out on properly paced intervals?” 

”You don’t understand everything that is going on here, Audrey.” 

”How could I? No one tells me anything.” 

Vince doesn’t say anything more, so Audrey leaves the Herald in a huff. This town is so frustrating. 

**1x10 The Hand You’re Dealt**

Audrey is getting really tired with Haven and its secrecy and finding out that Duke was keeping knowledge about her mother from her hurts, and she’s angry. She can understand the Chief and the Teagues keeping secrets from her, but Duke claims to be her friend. When he explains that he doesn’t remember anything about the day of the Colorado Kid murder, she understands it a bit more, but Duke must know more about Lucy than that. She gave him her necklace, possibly so Audrey could eventually get it, but how and why? She has so many questions, but this town and the people in it are really reluctant to give her any answers. 

Meeting with Vanessa or the photographer in the picture turns out to be useless, because either they don’t remember anything or they should take residence at the Freddy. It leaves her so frustrated. Nathan is also behaving oddly and she’s not sure why. He still hasn’t properly explained what exactly happened at the Carpenter’s Knot, or how he’s doing with his father or with Jess’ leaving. They’re friends, she hopes he will eventually feel comfortable enough to really talk with her about things. She is kinda glad that he feels more comfortable touching her, though. It’s nice to have someone to high five or shake hands over a workload deal. It’s a bit weird, but Nathan’s been so isolated from touch that if he wants to make some efforts with her, she doesn’t mind. 

She’s also glad to get to know Julia better. It’s so nice to interact with women her own age, ones who are also know the outside world. Julia is interesting and much more open than her mother was. The CK’s autopsy doesn’t tell her much, but it’s one more piece to add to her file. She hopes to be friends with Julia for a long time. She’s also very cute, which is a bonus. 

The case they are investigating is one of the worst she’s been a part of. Her asking questions seems to have triggered Vanessa, making her remember the day of the CK murder which lead to a resurfacing of Vanessa’s Trouble, she feels awful, and guilty. Add to that Matt West and his embracing of his pyrokinesis Trouble which lead to his death, Audrey feels like she’s failing on all fronts. She couldn’t save Vanessa, the Troubled person died, and now apparently, Duke has an expiration date, that has something to do with that tattoo they saw on Phil Reiser on the Mitchell Trouble case. There must be more to that tattoo than meets the eye. Just like everything else in Haven. 

**1x11 The Trial of Audrey Parker**

Audrey is actually having fun on her (fake) night off, playing poker with Duke and Julia and Duke’s ‘friends’ Ezra and Tobias. She definitely gets a vibe of Ezra, but can’t yet figure out what his Trouble is. It has to do something with being able to cheat and manipulate a poker game, which doesn’t seem too dangerous, but she still wants to thoroughly check them out. Maybe she should have gotten Nathan involved into her investigation, but he couldn’t stand the amount of time he’d have to spend with Duke and Audrey is not yet sure whether she even has a case. 

When she checks her phone, Nathan has called her 4 times. He must have something really urgent for him to cut into her ‘night off’ like this. And he does, because Agent Howard is in Haven. 

Over time, she’s gotten so used to being in Haven and dealing with Haven cases, she’s almost forgotten that she’s still a FBI agent who has a duty to report to her boss. She meant to do it, of course, but it’s hard enough to justify these cases within Haven, with people semi-in the know, let alone explain them to outsiders. So, she’s been ignoring that part of her leave agreement. 

But now, she has to tell Agent Howard about all the cases she’s dealt with, all the strange occurances and the people and their problems. She’s not telling him about the Lucy Ripley and the picture, although the FBI might have some information on him. But she’s not ready for that. And then Ezra and Tobias kidnap them. 

She feels slightly anxious as she taps on Duke’s table as she and Agent Howard try to figure out how to deal with their situation while Audrey also justifies her relevance to Haven. Why she’s needed here, why she wants to stay here. It started with that newspaper clipping, and how interesting and weird the Caldwell case was, but now, she thinks she can make a real difference here for these people. She doesn’t always succeed, like with Vanessa and Matt, but for some reason, she has an insight to how these people work and how to get their Troubles under control. She doesn’t know why or how she can do it, but she does. This town needs her, and she needs this town to tell her its secrets, so she can find out the mysteries of her own past. 

Howard’s visit was actually really useful to her, because it allowed her to finally make a proper decision about her life. The answers she’s looking for are not at the FBI, they are here, in Haven. So, she quits, hands over her badge (that feels kinda bad, that badge meant a lot to her) and her gun, and the next day, she becomes a proper detective of Haven PD. It feels rights.

 **1x12 Resurfacing** Detective Audrey Parker, of Haven PD. She’s happy with her new role. It gives her stability she has pretty much lacked for her whole life. Her new badge makes her feel connected to a whole new thing and it’s nice, to get to work with Nathan and figure out all of Haven’s secrets. 

With the case of the Fisherman’s Honor and the Garricks, she definitely gets some answers, ones she never thought she’d get. 

Lucy Ripley helped James Garrick in 1983, when he was only a child. Even though her hair is a different color, James recognized her as Lucy. No matter how many times she called Lucy her mother, it didn’t seem to work. And then he mentioned that scar… She tries to put it all away from her mind, concentrate on dealing with this case, making sure that the truth is known about what happened to that boat a year ago. 

She manages to stay calm, even when she takes a hold of a man who isn’t there, a man who disappears when she lets go off him. She’s the only one who has managed to touch him in all this time, the only one who can help him say goodbye to his family. Tracy asks her about it later, and she tells her she doesn’t know how she did it. But there is a part of her that is starting to suspect the reason. 

She leaves Nathan and Duke to play poker with the fake money, and goes to that place that is playing such a big role in her life, the place where they found the Colorado Kid, where Lucy was photographed all those years ago, where she decided to pursue this lead and stay in Haven. She takes off her sock, and finds the scar at her sole. It’s always been there. She doesn’t remember how she got it or why, just that it’s there. Does that mean… is she Lucy?

 **1x13 Spiral**

Audrey finds herself at the pier again. There’s something appropriate about questioning god or whatever, her own existence, even, in this very spot. 

_Anything else you have for me? I'm not sure how much more I can take._

She ends up talking with Max Hansen, who clearly has a lot of knowledge about this town that he’s not sharing. The meeting leaves her a little unsettled, especially in hindsight, after she finds out that he’s Nathan’s biological father and might have killed the Colorado Kid. Was that why he was at the pier? She also hears about the family he murdered that sent him to Shawshank for 25 years. Not a nice man. 

She’s not really sure what to do with her recent suspicions, about the fact that she very well might actually *be* Lucy, no matter how impossible that seems. She tries to concentrate on the cracks, but even fiddling with her badge isn’t helping. Nathan sends her home, not asking or prying, just waiting until she’s ready to talk. She’s lucky to have Nathan. And Julia, who is also not asking her questions with answers she’s not ready to say out loud. Duke isn’t as understanding, and while she can give him a break because of the tattoo on Max and the death prediction, it’s still her life and she can tell what she wants to tell to whoever she wants to tell, when she’s ready. Also, there’s no way Nathan would want Duke there when she tells him what they found out about Max. 

She feels like she’s almost intruding, even as Nathan implicitly tells her to stay, when 30 years worth of Wuornos family secrets are revealed. She knew that Nathan and Max were related, but father and son? She can’t start to begin to process it, and neither can Nathan apparently. He storms out, and Audrey can’t blame him. She’s squeezing her hands together nervously, she feels like she should stay behind, Nathan doesn’t need company right away and maybe she can get some answers from Garland. She does, and it’s not pretty. 

She goes to find Nathan, but before they can really talk about the revelations, they get a call, Max Hansen is dead. Another crack opened up on the street he was on and he was swallowed by it. Nathan is trying very hard to keep himself together and Audrey worries about him. She’s not sure she knows how to help. She tries her best, but she’s never been in this situation, never had parents who lied to her, parents to lose. ‘No parental conflict’, is what she told Nathan when they first met. It leaves her ill-prepared for something like this. 

Nathan accuses Duke, and then they finally figure out the cracks. It’s the Chief. It was always him, it tracks. She’s not sure why he cracked the road in front of her, but everything else happened when he was upset about something. And it’s getting worse. They need to find him and figure this out. Nathan doesn’t really want to listen to her, and maybe a part of her understands that but right now, they need to make sure that Garland doesn’t hurt anyone else, someone who is not a convicted murderer and a domestic abuser. 

Whatever Nathan might think, he knows his father. They find him at the beach and Audrey is pretty sure they’re too late. The Chief is holding a gun, and it’s clear what he intends to do with it. His Trouble is out of control, and the only thing that would fix the situation is his death. He should have asked for help ages ago. Maybe she could have helped him before, but now? Now, the Chief’s Trouble is out of control, he’s killed Max Hansen, and is relationship with Nathan is in shambles. Nathan wants her to lie to him (to Nathan, to Garland), but she can’t do it. 

_Garland:”Be careful, Audrey. Not everyone is glad you’re back.”_

That confirms some of her suspicions. She would want to help Nathan, she doesn’t want him to lose his father, both of his fathers, on the same day, but there’s nothing she can do. Garland is beyond wanting help. She can’t lie to the Chief. That’s why he hired her. She so wishes things were different but before she can really do anything else, Garland internalizes his Trouble and explodes. 

Nathan goes numb. Really and truly numb. He doesn’t talk, he just finds himself a spot on the beach and sits there. She has no idea what he might be thinking, what he’s going through. She can let him be like that for a while. She needs to deal with the evidence. She calls the Teagues, and tries to ask them if they know what Garland might have meant with his last words to her. They feign ignorance, and it’s one of those things she’ll just have to deal with. 

Audrey goes back to Nathan, trying to express her condolences, but Nathan blames her for his father’s death. It’s a guilt she also feels, as much as she knows that Garland wouldn’t accept any help from her there at the end. He was finished. But Nathan needs an outlet, some place to put all the pain he’s feeling, and she can be that for him, for now. But she’s been keeping this thing about Lucy inside herself for so long, she wants to tell someone, tell *Nathan*. But he doesn’t want to hear it, not now. She can understand that. 

She doesn’t sleep all night. Summer nights in Maine are brief, and she spends a lot of time just walking around. She eventually finds her way, naturally, to the pier. Nathan finds her there too, which is a surprise. She didn’t want to fail him like that, didn’t want him to go through what he’s going through. 

But Nathan doesn’t want to talk about that, not yet. He tells her of Haven’s new power struggle, of the Rev moving in on Haven PD. Of his vendetta against the Troubled. They need to work on this together. They both end up apologizing, almost expressing their need for each other. She decides to touch him, just a little, hold his hand, his father’s badge, as they figure out what they should do next. But then… 

_Audrey: ”You felt that._

_Nathan: “I can feel you.”_ Nathan explains his hesitance about it, his uncertainty, and Audrey understands. She’s almost glad he didn’t tell her until now. Because now, she knows what it means. 

_”I am Lucy.”_

Nathan tries to express incredulity but she can’t handle that. She knows it’s true, and Nathan accepts that. But before they can talk about more about what all of this means, they are interrupted. By an FBI called Audrey Parker.


End file.
